Initial Diagnosis OR The Roller Coaster Ride

June 11, 2004 was a day etched in our memories. Phil was planting asparagus along the back fence and I was just getting Cassie bathed for church the next day. As she got out of the tub, I noticed that her eyes were see-sawing up and down and her head bobbed uncontrollably. We rushed her to the ER in American Fork, thinking she had a concussion. The ER doctor ordered a CT scan. She told us that the scan showed a mass behind her eyes. She was already in touch with Dr. Marion Walker at Primary Children's Hospital who had us go to Utah Valley Regional Medical Center for an MRI. It was so late at night (about 1:00 a.m) that Cassie was already asleep. The scan showed an irregularly shaped mass in the center of Cassie's head. Phil & I were in shock, a hundred things going through our heads and none of them very pleasant. As I drove home with Phil in the back holding a still sleeping girl, I kept telling him to pinch me because I was having a terrible nightmare.

We met with Dr. Walker Monday morning. After he examined her and looked at her scans, he said that she would be in surgery first thing Tuesday morning. Because Jessica's husband, Jefferson, had abdominal surgery a couple of days before, they were both at our house and able to take care of the other kids.

I was so scared. Cassie was calm, in part shielded by her innocence and in part comforted by the Holy Spirit. Before the surgery, Dr. Walker told us that he would be very careful with Cassie and that if he couldn't remove the tumor, he wouldn't. He said that he would do nothing to hurt our beautiful little daughter. I remember suddenly feeling peaceful and knowing that she was in the best hands possible. The surgery lasted over 6 hours. The tumor was found to be inoperable, surrounding her optic nerves and optic chiasm, pressing on her pituitary and hypothalmus.

Cassie was on morphine for 2-3 days. The 3rd day she asked to be taken off it because it made her feel funny and "it will be okay in a while, Mom". This from a 4 year old person. I can't say child because she has been so mature and philosophical about it all. We spent a week in the hospital, recovering from swelling that left her unrecognizable for the first two days.

A couple of days after we came home, Cassie was hiding behind a bookcase to scare Thomas. When she jumped out, she bumped her head on the still healing incision. She cried for about 2 or 3 minutes, then calmed herself down. Mimi said that it wasn't fair that Cassie had to go through all of this pain. Cassie sagely said "Mimi, life's not fair; it's just life."

About a week later we went back to PCMC to have a port-a-cath inserted under the skin in her little chest, with a line that went into her heart. This would be the portal into which the nurses would inject her first course of chemotherapy.